Did You Hear What Happened to Romeo?

Apparently, the dude offed himself when Juliet "died".

Now, I love Shakespeare. Anyone who knows me will confirm that. However, for people to say that this is the greatest love story to have ever been written? Well, that's just silly. This story is a tragedy. What's worse is when people want to compare their own love story to Romeo & Juliet. Especially these days.

The only people who can even, REMOTELY, compare themselves to Mr. Montague and Miss Capulet are kids who are in high school and here's why. Their relationships last about as long as R&J's did. They have way more rules placed on them by their parents; like R-Dog and J-Lady. Their relationships are about as deep as these two "love at first sight" fools. Romeo and Juliet had a relationship that lasted about a week and couldn't be anything more than a lusty, superficial desire for each other. I mean, seriously, when did they have time to get to know anything about each other?

Hey, Romeo, when is Juliet's birthday?

Juliet, how many women has Romeo slept with?

These are two, really simple, questions that neither of them would have known. And, lastly, after the relationship, inevitably, ends; they want to kill themselves. Romeo and Juliet were only high school kids, themselves, after all. If this is the greatest love story ever written then every kid in high school has already lived the greatest love story of their life. And you and I both know that's just not true. It's high school. It's petty. It's cruel. And it ends with the promise of greater things after it.

So, any of you out there who insist that you're Juliet and Bobby Blowjob down the street is Romeo, I immediatly demand you stop. You'll then find out either my address and/or phone number and I want a personal apology from you. Then! I want you to fly your happy ass to England, unless you already reside there or are there on holiday, find Shakespeare's place of rest and apologize to him for trivializing one of the greatest works of literature ever written.

Do this and maybe, MAYBE, I can find it in my heart to forgive you.