19th Century Schizoid Man

"There's something wrong with the world today, I don't know what it is."

A once popular and relevant band had the balls to say this to the world back in 1993. Well, it's almost 10 years later and things haven't been any better. If you don't mind, I'm going to offer my two cents as to what is wrong with the world today. Take it. Leave it. Do what you want with it. But, don't tell me I'm wrong.

First: What in the FUCK happend to people caring about being educated? There was a time, and it wasn't even that long ago, that people cared more about WHAT you knew, rather than WHO you knew. These days, you can have the average IQ of three comatose gerbils and a quasi-intelligent slug (Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, "The Situation" etc.) but, if you know the right people, you'll be sitting pretty in some high rise office, draining the assets of a multi-billion dollar company, while John Smith, with a college degree from a reputable school and an IQ over 100 runs register at McDonald's for minimum wage.

Second: Get over yourselves. Who gives a rat's ass if you can bench 300 pounds, have abs that you can wash your laundry on or have three percent body fat? In the grand scheme of life, having that stuff ranks right above being able to wipe your own ass. I take that back. Being able to wipe your ass is actually useful. Nobody needs to spend three hours in the gym and pumping your body full of so many supplements that GNC is a legitmate business. Do you know how many hours the veterans of World War II spent in a fucking gym? Zero. And, you know what, they're better than you.
*Pro Athletes: You can kind of skip this one. In fact, you should get in the gym more, maybe hit the sauce a little. Chances are you're braindead anyway, you need to be able to have some function in the world.

Three: This one goes out to the kids. You're not going to be a professional athlete, musician or actor. You won't be hitting World Series winning homeruns. You're not going to win an Oscar for Best Actor. You will NOT have a platinum selling record. I know mommy and daddy say that you can do whatever you want. But, mommy and daddy are fucking liars. If they're pushing you into doing this stuff, tell them to go live their own lives. Just because they failed at their dreams, doesn't mean that they get to live them through you. Stay in school. Study. Learn a useful trade. Be a contributing member of society. That is what you need to focus on. If you want to be a Nobel winning scientist? Bravo. Pursue the SHIT out of that dream. If you want to write for a news publication, exposing scandal and trying to make the world a better place? Fuckin' A! Do that shit to the max! Hell, if you want to work at GameStop, shilling out vidja games for the rest of your life, do it. Not every dream has to reach for the moon, Scotty.

It's not too late to turn this boat around and get back on the right track. It isn't too late to tell people like "The Situation" to go fuck himself. It isn't too late to go back to what matters.